I want to be a stay at home mom when I grow up, but for now, I am a working mom.
I think there is definitely a stigma attached to moms who work, especially in the LDS church and I have struggled a bit to find a happy medium between these two worlds. I am not working to feed my ego, win awards, or make a ton of money. I am working simply to pay the bills. Even when I start to think - why should we even pay our mortgage, if everyone else is going to get bailed out anyway? - I still want to be financially independent and have our family take care of itself.
Sometimes I am discouraged when I hear other moms answer the question of - so what do you do? with, "oh, I'm just a mom." Just a mom? If this is what I want to be when I grow up, what I am working towards, what I work extra hours at night for in the hopes that someday I can quit my job, is it really "just" anything?
I also take a step back when I go to activities or out with friends and I hear - "I just had to get out of the house!" I am doing everything I can to get INTO the house!
So, here is my question for all of you stay at home moms out there, is it worth it?
I have a big decision to make in the next few days; I think I have the right answer but need some encouragement. Unfortunately I won't be able to stop working completely just yet, but this other opportunity will allow for more down time and working from home a few days a week again. Baby steps.
17 comments:
Steph's vote: SAHM. But you knew that. Obviously I support whichever you do. You always make the right decisions, anyways. But if I had to nudge you - I'd say to do whatever you can to get INTO the house! Love you.
Shan! I love this post! You reminded me how lucky I am to be a SAHM! I LOVE IT! I've thought many times (Esp. when $$ is tight) that I would love to go back to work... we added up all the daycare costs, extra gas on my car, etc.. the difference was about $4000. So, making $4000 less a year I get the chance to raise my kids- to be with them through every milestone, to control how they are taught and disciplined, to have activities with them, to watch them grow, to sit and laugh with them, to just decide to make sugar cookies and watch them try to use the cookie cutters- those memories are worth for more to me than a measly $4000 a year. I get to be the one they laugh and cry with ALL DAY and I love it. I miss my kids when I'm gone for too long. I have a great relationship with my kids and I know that is setting the foundation for the scarry teenager years!! Do you have those moments, sure- who doesn't?! Being a SAHM is the greatest job on earth! Anyone who says "just a mom" doesn't realize what a blessing it is to be IN the home!
From a former "working mom", it's the BEST to be at home!! I wouldn't have it any other way. I really don't have those "I need to get out the house" moments, probably because I know what it's like to not be able to be at home all the time. You will love it, but I think you already know that. :)
Either way, it is hard, but it is so worth it to be home with your kids. I admire you for doing such a great job as a mom and working at the same time. We all do what we have to do, for our families. I have to say that it is kind of a shock to your system to be at home all the time. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it takes some getting used to a first. Then you find your stride and see how happy your kids are. Good luck. I know I am a little wordy!
You'll do the right thing for you, which is an ambiguous answer, but it's also the best answer. I always hoped this answer would be black and white for me, but it hasn't been. But I have never regretted the time I have had to spend with the baby. Good luck!
Decisions decisions!!! I am a total workaholic, when I am working that is. I love to work, Nick thinks I am crazy, but I do enjoy working. However, I am so glad that I can stay at home with the girls. There are certainly the days when I want to get out of the house, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I definitely went through a transition after I quit working, but I am glad that I did. If you can do it and want to it I say go for it.
I love my children, but I enjoy being a working mom. I crave the intellectual challenge and the variety that each day brings me at work. I wouldn't endorse a mom working long and crazy hours at the expense of family time, but I think a balance of work and family is good for everyone. But that's just me -- each of us is different!
I love to stay home and most days I don't like to leave unless I absolutely have to. But, I got to spend an hour with Claire today and she's so sweet and I don't envy your situation at all. But I do think you are doing the best you can, and that's all you can do. She won't remember this past year and I know you're doing what you can to spend more time with her at home. Good luck and I'll be happy to watch your cute little girl any day!
Thanks for wanting to grow up to be a SAHM. I've been guilty of putting myself down for just being that. Sometimes I think of what I could have been. I really wanted to be a park ranger. I love to be outdoors. I wanted to "work" with nature. I wanted to be one of those people who really loves going to work everyday. I know I would have been good. BUT would I give up my life with my three kids? Not one second of it...not one vomit, pee, poop, snot on me. Giving that up would be giving up indescribable joy only a parent could know. You know what I'm talking about. I tell everyone, "Time never flew so fast until I had kids." She'll be in kindergarten, then high school, then married before you know it. Katie is five and she's asking when she will have "boobies" so she can wear a bra. As disturbing to me as that is, she is asking ME. I'm home with her all the time. She's in kindergarten next year and life will change. It will still be good, just different. They're only this little once and I don't want to miss a thing.
I know you love that little beauty queen. Whatever your choice is, it is the right one for you and your family. Trust yourself, Shannon.
Shan, you asked if it was worth it, and I thought, "Oh my gosh, YES!" You have to do what is right for you and your family, and only you can know that. But it is most definitely worth it. Is it mundane sometimes? Yes. Is talking to a baby all day sometimes lonely? I guess, but it's all in your perspective. It is a 24-7 deal, so I am one of those people who occasionally has to get out to Target alone or I'll burst. But it is the greatest, most fulfilling joy in my life. Holy cow, I love it. It is emotionally and physically demanding, but I am so grateful every day that I get to be my kid's mom all day, every day.
Sometimes I joke about getting a "paying job," especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed. But I wouldn't trade what I do for a huge salary. I get glimpses of heaven (and sometimes hell...hahaha) every day. Good luck. You are awesome, and have your heart in the right place. God picked you to be Claire's mama. He knew what he was doing when he did.
You and I have the opposite problem. I am looking at going back to teaching. It breaks my heart to think of all the fun things I will miss being home with Dominic (Ellie is in school all day), but I gost to do what I gosta do. Part of me feels empowered, part of me feels guilty. Really, though, teaching seems to be a good way to do both. If I can land a job, then I will at least have summers and holidays off and "decent" hours. Which will entail working at home.
Good luck. Being a SAHM is much harder than people think, but it is also wonderful at the same time.
Sorry, that last comment was from Vickey. You probaly figured that out, but I hit Enter before I signed my name.
I was only a working mom for a few months, and it was hard. I can't imagine how you have done it for so long. We have had long talks about this, but I still felt like I wanted to comment. When I was working I never (except bunco...which I brought Easton to) went out. I wanted to see Easton when I was done working. I was surrounded by moms who said the same thing...I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM MY KID/S!! I thought they were crazy. Now, I understand them a little better.
Don't for a second feel guilty for working. You have worked hard to get where you are, you're talented, hard working, and important! And also, you're a FANTASTIC MOM!!!
There is definitely a stigma for lds moms who work, but try not to think about it, and don't let anyone judge you. You shouldn't feel belittled or bad for doing what is best for your family.
Plus, if you stayed home, when would I see Claire!?!?!? Just kidding. It makes me sad to see you struggle with this, and I'm glad you have some options. Trust whatever decision you guys decide to make and know that you'll be doing the best you can for your cutest little Claire.
Having said all of that, I do love being a mom, even though I'm sure I complain about it a lot!
I would happily be a SAHM if I could. I never thought I'd want that, but I wish for it everyday.
It broke my heart to go to work after my divorce. Alanna was only two ... and I didn't have another choice. There is a time and season for everything in life. There is no reason to put yourself down for being a working mom. I admire you for being strong enough to help make ends meet.
I can honestly say that I am extremely grateful to be a stay at home mom again. Sometimes it is hard, there are fewer meals eaten out, possibly a few less "new" clothes, and there is a tighter budget to be committed to. With that said, there is also so many memories created, I feel a stronger bond secured (with children & spouse), an elimination of work stresses, and priceless moments that quickly pass us by.
You are such a strong woman and mom, who I admire. You are amazing ... You'll know what is best for your family.
Spend time on your knees with Matt praying (but I am sure you already have)!!
I know we aren't close ... but I am here if you ever need anything.
Tami ~
I'm with you...everytime I hear people say "I had to get out of the house" I think "I'll trade you places." : )
SAHM! Its worth every second! I would cry if I couldn't be with her all day long. I'm sure you'll make the best decision thats best for your family. Plus we can have play dates! ;)
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