What If?

When I was about 14 or 15, I went on a trip to the river near my house with our church group. There were probably 20 of us, along with leaders who included my dad. I was never allowed to go to this part of the river with the guys from church who went to jump off rocks and swim - it had dangerous spots and you had to stay to the deeper swimming holes for jumping. Anyway, on this particular trip, we were at an area with a waterfall that went out over a large flat area so it was almost like a slide, but at the bottom there were several large rocks so you had to be very careful where you slid down. As I was walking, I slipped on some moss and started to slide towards the drop off with the rocks below. Luckily, I slid over a pocket in the rock that slowed my slide enough that I was able to stop before falling off the edge. I sat there staring over the ledge, looking at those rocks and could not stop thinking about the fall I almost took. WHAT IF???? What if there hadn't been that little dip in the rock to stop me? I found my dad and just cried and cried for what felt like a long time. The "what ifs" in life sometimes scare me the most.

I had another "what if" experience over the weekend. I took a road trip up to Utah to see my friend Erika, visiting her family from TN, and to see my sister. It was just me and the kids for a few days. I stopped to see Erika on my way to Salt Lake, and after a quick bathroom break shortly after arriving, I went out into the backyard and heard Miles crying. I couldn't see him or Erika, but the other kids said Miles had fallen down.

That didn't worry me too much until I found Miles - he had been startled by their dog in the backyard and had fallen down a five-feet-deep window well, complete with large rocks at the bottom used for drainage; but not good to break a 22-month-old's fall. Erika had just jumped in there to get him, barefoot and all. She must have had a huge boost of adrenaline because after pulling herself out, she could not stop shaking. I recently heard that you only get one such boost of adrenaline and super strength in a lifetime - I hope that wasn't your one and only time Erika!

To make a long story short, Miles had a bloody nose, a swollen eye, and scrapes around his eye, chin and right leg. What scared me the most was that he immediately started to fall asleep. And then maybe ten minutes later he started to vomit. He threw up again a couple more times while I tried to gather everyone up and get in the car. I decided to take him to the hospital - a head injury on a toddler is scary stuff.


On the way to the hospital in Provo, Miles would fall asleep every minute - Claire and I were yelling at him to stay awake, poor guy. He wanted to sleep so badly but we just kept calling his name. As we pulled up into the ER, he threw up again. I was on the verge of freaking out. I was so grateful that the ER staff took us right in - we didn't even sit down in the waiting room. A CAT scan and X-ray later, Miles was declared perfectly healthy, other than his concussion.

The next day he looked much better, his eye wasn't as swollen though he had the makings of a nice black eye, and he was running around and playing with the kids. So, I tried to forget about the "what if's" of what could have happened when Miles fell, and just have fun with my sister and her family.