Pregnancy Vent Session - 32 Weeks

Pregnancy does weird things to me: my body is not my own, my baby is a (super cute) parasite taking all my energy, I can't sleep, and I lose all control over the filters that help normal people fit into society. Yeah, it's rough. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

The time you are using the microwave and start to smell gas, only to find out that your belly has bumped the burner controls on the stove and natural gas is spewing out into your kitchen. Life threatened? Check.

How all of your co-workers drive you crazy as you sit and listen politely to their chatter, while inside you are screaming at them to please leave your office so you can eat the candy you guiltily hid when they walked in 20 minutes ago to vent about something you have no control over? I should not be allowed in public.

When you check the clock because surely it's almost morning since you have already gone to the bathroom FOUR times (I like to keep a log), only to find out it is 1:30 AM! I call these "camping nights" because they never seem to end and are miserable. I'm not much of a camper, obviously...

That time your Mother in Law told you something you weren't excited to hear, and you unknowingly went from your normal "face at rest" look to shooting daggers at her with your eyes in a heartbeat? I would for sure lose at poker with this face during pregnancy, I can't hide anything.

Weird things happen to your body and everyone says it's normal because you are pregnant, but I'm here to tell you that the normal range must be ginormous when it comes to pregnant ladies. How can it ALL be normal? Just one less-embarrassing example I will give is that every pregnancy, I get a small dry patch of skin on the right side of my chest. It is about the size of a quarter and stays there the entire time, and fades within a week or so of giving birth. I have had it all four times - I might as well look for that dry patch instead of taking a pregnancy test and save the $12. Normal? Ohh-kaaay.